The Day I Woke Up

There’s a day you remember for the rest of your life. Mine was in April 2024, somewhere between a hospital hallway and the sound of my own breath catching. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Just like that. I didn’t see it coming.

I thought I was " healthy". I exercised, I ate clean, I stayed active. I did the right things. But deep down, my body knew. I had been living too long out of alignment. Pleasing. Performing. Overriding my own knowing for the sake of harmony that was never real.

I lost my vision, suddenly, without warning. Optic neuritis. It was my body’s way of asking me to see. To truly wake up. MS didn’t come to destroy my life. It came as a quiet, uninvited teacher. It came to show me what I hadn’t been willing to face, - and what I could no longer ignore.

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A Space to Be

I started Cerise Noire because I needed a place that felt safe to be me. No filters. No performance. Just me: thinking, reflecting, and walking through this very real, very human life.

I'm a big feeler, and I have known that since I was younger, but I often pushed her away.

When you start living for you and the sake of your health, it can unsettle some folks. But I’ve made peace with that.

MS taught me: You can’t afford to abandon yourself. 

When you stop abandoning yourself, life gets cleaner. Clearer. You know when you’re in alignment. And you know when you’re not. That’s where the healing begins - not just of the body, but of the soul.

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What Helped Me

Not just “me time” with a hashtag, but real, uninterrupted space to just be. To follow what lights me up. To opt-out of being available to everyone, all the time. We weren’t designed for this kind of overstimulation. I miss the days when phones were plugged into walls and silence wasn’t suspicious.

The MS diagnosis felt like permission to finally rest. A real excuse to slow down. Pathetic, isn’t it?

For years, I believed rest was laziness. Especially as a wife and mother. There was always something to clean, organise, fix.

Sitting still felt wrong. Doing nothing? Unthinkable.

My healing asked for stillness. For honesty. In the end, it’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

I opted out of anything where my body says no, even if I’m “supposed” or "expected" to say yes.

I feel it in my body when the answer is no, and I honour that.

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Why I’m Sharing

I don’t expect everyone to read or understand this, But if you’ve just been diagnosed, or if you're suffocating under the weight of the expectations from society, systems, or outdated beliefs you're told never to question (how dare you?) - this is for you.

Consider me your sideline companion. Someone who’s been there. Someone who dared to pause and ask questions. Do their own research. Even if it means burning my own fingers sometimes. I am okay with that, because i want to know. I need truth. I want real stories. Even when the answer meant going against the grain.

Sometimes, we don’t even realise how deep the programming runs. It’s like the old wiring in a house... overused, outdated, faulty. Left unchecked, it can short-circuit everything. It can burn the whole thing down. At some point, you have to look at it honestly and rewire what no longer serves you. Especially the parts of you that have been running on dysfunction for far too long.

I’m not here with perfect answers. I’m here to share what’s helped, what hasn’t, what I’m still figuring out. To remind you that deep down, you do know what’s good for you - even if the world insists otherwise.

This is my offering. My beginning. My middle. My mess. My truth.

Cerise

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